Attachment v. Letting Go

I read this quote the other day and it explained everything I've ever felt about the topic of getting attached v. letting go:

When I was in 3rd grade I went through the fear of letting people in. I had just moved to my third elementary school in 12 months and I was feeling overwhelmed with the prospect of making more new friends and being the new girl again. I was used to moving and starting over but around this time in my life I began to realize how much I loved my friends and how important they were to me(3rd grade is a very serious time for friendships). It was something I hadn't experienced before and it felt like I was really growing up and in need of stability/consistency. 

This winter I totally experienced the same thing all over again living in SLC!!!! Like I've moved around my whole life and made new friends everywhere I go but since being married I felt so different and like I had to be a certain kind of person/wife--or I don't know, like there was this image I had to uphold now because of our marriage. It was hard for me to make friends where I was because it seemed all my solid relationships were back in Provo where I attended school. 

I'm so glad the winter is FOR REALS over. I gain so much energy from the sun on my face and that helps me kill my lazy, lonely, unmotivated attitude. It is so good to let some things go because it makes room for new chapters in our lives to stretch out their story. So here's to springtime, sunshine and new beginnings!

My autobiography

I've been thinking about writing down my autobiography. Like my great grandpa and grandma wrote theirs, same with my grandpa, and my dad has written some stories as well. I should be documenting my life ya know just in case I'm caught in a horribly tragic accident and my children want to know what I did on november 22, 2015. ok not funny. but I feel that's like what I'm basically doing on this space anyway so I should put them all in one place, right?

But I think I'm going to begin. Maybe even make it a goal of mine to document my entire life--well the memorable parts. I should definitely record the time when I peed my pants in kindergarten(1st grade?...) and other memorable stories like that.

I might post some of the more funny/interesting stories here. I've already got the story of how Mike and I met on here so might as well keep getting personal. This will be a great thing for my kids and grand kids to have someday. And like any massive task, I'm starting small and setting a goal to record a little story at least twice per week. We'll see how this goes.....or how long it lasts haha.....

discussing romantic feelings for past lovers

I was chatting with a friend yesterday about feelings we have for old boyfriends and it got me thinking about what complex things our hearts are. I don't have any romantic feelings for my old boyfriends because all my feelings are being poured into loving Mike. But before I loved Mike I went through a major turning point concerning old feelings for past lovers.

Mike and I met on June 20th, 2014. We spent five consecutive every day together after that. On the sixth day I was asked by an old boyfriend to meet up and talk about how things ended between us. I agreed and all of my past feelings for him rushed back into my heart and head, making me very confused and wary. I knew this past relationship was good(not great) and we could maybe get things back to where they were(comfort zone). This past relationship had been a big one and there were lots of real feelings involved. I had no idea if things would progress with Mike because I had just met him, he was leaving to live in California and I was staying in Utah. It seemed like the logical choice to get back together and try to work things out.

But.....

Long story short I knew that I was emotionally done with the past relationship before we even met up. I felt bad the entire time because I could've been hanging out with Mike the whole time. That was a huge indicator of who I wanted to spend my time with. Because of how torn I felt being away from Mike, I knew that he was more than a crush or summer fling. It was good to have closure with this past boyfriend but I just couldn't open my heart up to him again because it was already hooked on Mike.

In the end, I closed the door on that past relationship for good and was able to excitedly open the new door that led me to falling in love with Mike. The key thing was I had no regrets. I knew what I wanted and that was Mike, whether or not we fell in love or even dated or even kissed (yeah we hadn't even kissed yet...we really just knew the moment we saw each other) He was the one I wanted to be with and I'm so glad we actually did get to kiss, date and fall in love.