Sometimes I overwhelm myself. with. everything. The paintings I want to create, the food I want to cook, the skills I want to master, the people I want to influence and love--it gets to be too much for my brain and body to handle. I usually end up doing things sporadically/very quickly and feeling guilty. My absolute greatest fear is that I can't live up to my potential or that I could've done more but didn't.
This mindset is ambitious and passionate but total poison. Social media definitely helps make it easy to compare myself too. Don't worry I'm working on it but in the meantime it's good to vent. The new year brings lots of anticipation and even anxiety. Will I make this a good year? Or will I fail at everything? Ok that's way too dramatic but it is a thought that creeps in every once in a while.
I'm starting school up again this winter. And I actually have a little anxiety over it. Like it's been a full year since I've been away from tests, homework and school like interactions. I'm a completely different person that I was last year. So much has happened and changed over the past 12 months. Reading back into this blog I came to find how I've changed and grown. It's been interesting reading my thoughts on when my sister was diagnosed, how I felt about Mike, and other tidbits of my life that feel like sooooo long ago. I'm so glad I wrote out my feelings and kept things here in this space. I think it'll be a good place to come back to every once in a while. It's really nice having a collection of beautiful photos and my words in one pretty, clean place. It's also funny seeing how little I care about grammar hahaha.
Anyway, my advice to myself is to chill out and be more like Mike: calm, cool and collected. Things will work out the way they should and I can only control what I can control. Be real, be kind and I guess just have fun with it!
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