Attachment v. Letting Go

I read this quote the other day and it explained everything I've ever felt about the topic of getting attached v. letting go:

When I was in 3rd grade I went through the fear of letting people in. I had just moved to my third elementary school in 12 months and I was feeling overwhelmed with the prospect of making more new friends and being the new girl again. I was used to moving and starting over but around this time in my life I began to realize how much I loved my friends and how important they were to me(3rd grade is a very serious time for friendships). It was something I hadn't experienced before and it felt like I was really growing up and in need of stability/consistency. 

This winter I totally experienced the same thing all over again living in SLC!!!! Like I've moved around my whole life and made new friends everywhere I go but since being married I felt so different and like I had to be a certain kind of person/wife--or I don't know, like there was this image I had to uphold now because of our marriage. It was hard for me to make friends where I was because it seemed all my solid relationships were back in Provo where I attended school. 

I'm so glad the winter is FOR REALS over. I gain so much energy from the sun on my face and that helps me kill my lazy, lonely, unmotivated attitude. It is so good to let some things go because it makes room for new chapters in our lives to stretch out their story. So here's to springtime, sunshine and new beginnings!

finding silver linings

so hey there, it's been a minute.
life's been a little crazy lately. 

this week has been 102030500302x better than the one before. 

I have felt peace and comfort more than I ever have in my entire life. there's so much to be happy about! like the fact that I get to take time off work and school just to hangout with Sarah Kay.  seriously being Sarah Kay's nurse is the best. all we do is eat good food and watch funny videos. we keep humor in our lives through ever aspect of social media. I love that we have found how to have joy through this cancer thing. 

this week I realized that I need to let my anger go, start praying again and definitely keep laughing through this hard trial. God wants me to be happy

He wants Sarah Kay to be happy. He wants all of his children to be so so happy. and yeah I'm still allowing myself some breakdowns but I'm working on finding the silver living in all of this. 

one hard decision that has turned into the greater blessing is the fact that I decided not to serve a mission. I honestly felt impressed not to serve. when I was pressured and asked why I wasn't serving a mission I would reply calmly that I didn't feel like I should go so I didn't the end. It was rough being a bit ostracized and seeing literally every single one of my girlfriends leave. I felt like maybe I wasn't living up to what God planned for me. 

but I couldn't deny that I felt impressed not to serve. I realize now that if I had left, I wouldn't be right here in utah ready and able to take care of Sarah Kay. 

there are so many incredible experiences that have made it possible for me to attend BYU and be in Utah right now at this time in my life. I am right here for sarah Kay and Derek I mean like WHOA it is all coming together. 

today my amazing visiting teachers shared a quote by President Brigham Young and it just made sense:

"All intelligent beings are crowned with crowns of glory immortality, and eternal lives must pass through every ordeal appointed for intelligent beings to pass through, to gain their glory and exaltation. Every calamity that can come upon mortal beings will be suffered...to prepare them to enjoy the presence of the Lord... Every trial and experience you have passed through is necessary for your salvation." 

I'm so glad for the atonement of my Savior. I know that Jesus felt every single emotion I have felt in the past two weeks. He's been with me and will continue to be with me. I know he felt everything Sarah kay and Derek have gone through and have yet to go through. I know this cancer thing is exactly what our family is meant to go through right now. I know he is there for me and my family right now and forever. 

Life is so good you guys. There is so much to be grateful for.